I'm in a crying mood today.
I'm not sad. Nothing major has happened. No worries. I'm simply and completely overwhelmed.
People keep saying, "That's just Christmas," and of course, they're right. I know. I get it. It's a month devoted to indulgence. We indulge ourselves in giving, receiving, baking, eating, decorating, partying, preparing, expecting, hoping, and more. But there's something about "it's just the time of year" that doesn't help to soothe my mind and soul. I cannot accept that this is an acceptable way to feel just because it's the season for it.
Restless. That's actually the word. I'm not so much overwhelmed as restless. In every store I enter, there are tags hanging on trees for people who may have nothing if we don't buy for them. The homeless shelters in Bangor are low on volunteers to prepare their gifts to be given on Christmas Eve. Outreach International reminds us of all those people in Haiti needing water and shelter and of the people around the world who simply need education or a couple chickens and a hen. I'm reminded of my own limitations and insignificance in the grander scheme of Life.
Yet, as I shopped for one man who would supposedly be getting nothing for Christmas without the generosity of others, I was taken aback by his "want." At Manna Ministries, those asking for assistance list a "need" and a "want". They are almost always very modest. This man was not, and he disrupted my generally easy generosity. He asked for a Nintendo Wii gaming system. (I did not buy it for him... I considered coal and a scathing note... I also did not do that.) I guess the point is, I wanted to know he NEEDED something for sure, and I wanted to know he appreciated what he was given. In other words, I was putting substantial conditions on my giving. And there it is. I've allowed the consumerism in. I've let down my guard enough to lose sight of the real Spirit of Christ-mas. It doesn't feel good. It feels cheap. It feels unsettling. It feels in-authentic and anything but genuine and Spiritual.
And then, in a moment's flash of the true Spirit of Christmas, I am blown away by the unexpected generosity of a friend and a sister. There's a general level of expectation at this time that people will be "giving" in nature. 'Tis the season of giving after all. But, the un-anticipated gift of a youth reaching out for his friend and many people stepping forward with gifts of time, money, and love AT THE LAST POSSIBLE MOMENT, when none of us really had the time or money to give... that's what makes me cry. An unexpected text. A hope-filled plea. Answered need. And the best part is, for me, it wasn't about buying gifts for this friend and family... it was about supporting each other, knowing we're there for each other, understanding more deeply what community is about.
This season is so full. Full on every level-- emotional, physical, mental, spiritual. The opportunities for growth and meaning are limitless it seems. If we rationalize "it's just Christmas", I'm pretty sure we'll miss out.
This, to me, is the real meaning of Christmas. Opportunity born and recognized. Then a choice-- will I/we seize the opportunity of Love, Peace, Joy, Relevance when life is so overwhelming? Will I/we miss it and miss out, blinded by the gifts, glittery lights, sheer amount of need, etc...? To me, it's not so much about celebrating the Birth and Life of Christ as embracing the birth and life of this moment in my life and the lives of those with whom I meet and interact. In my heart of hearts, this is what I truly believe. I believe that's when Jesus becomes Christ.
May you take the time to reflect. May you take the time to just "be". May you take the time to pay attention to this season... full of opportunity.
Joy, Hope, Love, and Peace... that we all might share! Trish
PS... If I were preaching, I would at some point add this and more: What Christ, the Apostle Paul, and Christian communities throughout time have begun and lived out ONLY finds relevance for us as we reflect on it, examine it, find our Truth, and live it out. We are not Christians to point at Christ as someone to hide behind(... though in our weakness, he provides a shield and a model). We are Christians to point out what it means when a life is lived in tune with the Love of God. This is the goal... ever-failing, ever-succeeding. It's all at once a difficult and amazing journey. May yours be truly blessed.
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